We all have heard this since we were young children. Those of us who were brought up in church were taught to memorize this commandment given to the Israelites by God after they left Egypt on their way to the promised land.

Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long upon the land which the Lord your God is giving you. 
Exodus 20:12 

In the book of Ephesians, the apostle Paul echoes this command in his letter to the church in Ephesus.

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother,” which is the first commandment with promise: "that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth.” 
Ephesians 6:1-3

Did you notice the promise made to those who kept this commandment? It is a blessing of favor and long life from God.

Honoring our parents was not so difficult to do for most of us as a child. I say most of us, because I don’t want to assume that I know or understand everyone’s childhood experiences. When we were children, most of us naturally bonded with our parents and would listen to them, whether or not they were wrong.

I read an online news article that caught my attention—Why So Many Young People Are Cutting Off Their Parents. It was about adult children refusing to have a relationship with their parents and the numbers are alarming. It stated, “The rise in millennials and Gen Zers coming forward to discuss their own crises—the hashtag #ToxicFamily has 1.9 billion views on TikTok—may suggest that American families are severing ties at an all-time high.” It reports the sad reality of how disagreements between parents and adult children lead to a breakdown in the family, which is not pleasing to God.

Again, I want to stress that I understand there were some parents who probably did not treat their children as God instructed. I am not negating the fact that there were children who were abused or neglected, which is not a part of God’s design. My intention is to address the bond between parents and children that was ordained by God.

Parents also have responsibility to God in how they raise their children.

And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord. 
Ephesians 6:4

God does not expect obedience from children only. He also expects obedience from parents to Him. He does not want parents to abuse their children and He makes this very clear. Parents must not treat their children unfairly, abuse or neglect them, or just be so hard on them as to make them angry.  

Regarding neglect, God is very clear as well.

But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. 
1 Timothy 5:8

These scripture verses address fathers primarily because fathers are traditionally given the responsibility as providers and disciplinarians for the family. Today for various reasons, some families have mothers as the head of household and these instructions are directed to them as well. God tells us that parents should teach their children His ways so that they will commit in obedience. 

Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.
Proverbs 22:6

This does not mean that children and young adults will be perfect, it just means that when they reach a certain age, they will know how to live their lives and follow through—even if we must hold on to the promise that they will eventually do so.   

What about honoring father and mother when the children are now adults and disagree with their parents?

If an adult child is being disobedient in God’s eyes, it is understandable that the parent(s) would have a disagreement and discussion with their child. This may not be pleasing to the adult child, but it will be an opportunity for restoration. If the child still does not listen, then the parents should pray and ask God for His intervention. This may not be an easy outcome for the disobedient young adult, but you can trust God that He will bring your child around. Remember to continue to pray even if you don’t see changes and it takes a while. God’s word does not return void.

I want to go back to a scripture verse we looked at above in Ephesians.

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 
Ephesians 6:1

Let’s focus on three words in this verse. In the Lord means to obey your parents in the Lord’s ways and instructions. We must obviously continue to honor our parents as adult children. This means to treat them with respect and to be kind and patient with them. This does not mean if their advice to you is opposite of God’s will that you put their will over God’s will. No, as an adult, you must follow God’s will over your parents’ will. I encourage you to know what God’s will is for your life; to study God’s word and commune with Him daily. Having a relationship with God through His Son, Jesus Christ, is paramount to knowing God and His will.

What if the adult child is indeed following God, but the parents don’t want to acknowledge that God is bringing about His plan for their child’s life?

Parents, in their own human nature, can be overprotective which can be very stressful for an adult child. Let’s say that this adult child is trying to follow God’s plan for their life. This can be challenging when the parents don’t understand or they may not be following God themselves. Avoiding an argument can be achieved by keeping a calm demeanor and disagreeing politely while explaining what they believe God is showing them in their lives.

Finding Reconciliation:

So what do we do when we cannot come to an agreement and each time we (parents and adult children) are together the tension rises? We are told to pray.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. 
Philippians 4:6-7

God hears His children’s prayers. He knows all about our struggles and relationships. Continue to pray until you see God act. He will either change your or your parents’ outlook or maybe even have you both meet somewhere in the middle regarding your disagreement.

My current journey:

As I write this, my relationship with my parents has been somewhat trying lately. First, I will say that I love my parents and have never and will never cut them off. At this time, my concern is for their well-being, especially now that they are both in their eighties and do not live near me. I have other siblings, but I am the adult child they chose to help them navigate their lives now that they are getting older. I visit them during the year for holidays, during the summer, and when they need help with certain issues. My personal wish is that they would come to live with me since they are starting to need more help. My husband and I have offered our home to them with a nice private bedroom/bathroom ensuite. God has blessed us so that we work from home and have plenty of room in our house to share with my parents. They, however, prefer to stay in their own home. I disagree with them on this, but I have to be respectful of their wishes. They know that regardless of our differences in opinion, I will be there for them.

I hold on to God’s word tightly and because I honor my parents I believe I will be blessed immeasurably by God.

I know that one day I will no longer be able to pick up the phone and hear their voices. I want to be able to look back and feel good about how I was willing to respect my parents and reciprocate love, care, and protection at a time when they needed me.

I look forward to receiving your stories about how you have honored your parents.

Below is a beautiful song by Ed Sheeran. It’s entitled “Supermarket Flowers” and it’s a tribute to his maternal grandmother from his mother’s perspective. I was very impressed and touched by this song.  

Why So Many Young People Are Cutting Off Their Parents

https://www.cosmopolitan.com/lifestyle/a44178122/family-estrangement-cut-off-parents/